This really isn't a question...?

a note:

Hey,

I am not sure who I am writing this to but i am sure for some unknown reason i want to jump off my roof into the freezing cold water of my pool or lay in the ice cold water of the creek out the nature trail. i suddenly feel as if my life is very dull and and i need something to spice it up or to wake me from my dull revieve. ever get that way? i think i have deicded to make this note a blog based on the purest of study hall boredoms ever concieved.

"If your having this much fun it isn't school," said Mr. Moss snatching away the only hope i had ever had at enjoying my study hall today.

Everyone seems to be upset today and I in my usual attempt at conformity and yet in an act of stuborness seemed to have made it worse and better at the same time, and yet again in my attempt to make it all seem all better by being my usually ADDish goffy lunch time self and just trying to make everyone feel better have sucluded myself into an abnormally strange place by myself with angela coming to my aid with an ily and drifting out again with a knew topic of conversation and then with that everyone and everything was alright again untill the next class where we seperated to brood in our own thoughts and for me to go with rachel and try and fix the damage that i am still not sure has been done but is clearly reeking havoc on someone i am not sure of.

and to add salt to the wound af this entire day rachel plucked a stray hair from my head that just happened to have a gray root and i almost began to cry at the fact that at 17 i have grown old. tis not fair i exclaimed to myself putting away the thought that dyeing my hair would no longer be for a change but rather a task that must take place. tis not fair i said again to my mother when i got and and she gave me even less hope that maybe the stray hair had meerly bleached itself somehow by informing me she had gotten her first at 16. at the moment i wished to brake down and cry but again in an attempt at self compsure and conformity i sighed and placed the quizical mind front into my head and began to write.

my very strange day will not conclued now i know for sure and yet i will wake tomorrow doomed to have an "emo" day and wake already dissappointed in god knows what and then i shall sit as like now and examine my thoughts, a patalogical liar they have called me, consistant story teller, wild imagination, a true actress, annoying, stupid, smart, fat, chubby, cute, sexy, pretty, wild, insane, weird, different, unique, myself. i shall sit and wonder as i often do on these days of reflection and emoness and decided which is true and which is false. then undoubtly my family will find it unnessary to allow me to unwind from my stressful week and get into my usualy mood of apathy and not let what anyone says to me make a differance and i shall be emo for the day "crabby" my mother will call me, but i simply did not have the chance to enter my protective shell, my bubble that no word can penetrate unless said by my friends, not even my parents, and when my father sighes at my annoying remarks tears will well and beg to fall but i will pretend they are not there untill they dry in my eyes.

tis a strange day and i am in a strange mood...

This really isn't a question...?

sometimes being 17 sucks. You really are a long way away from having to dye your hair! I got my first one at 16 too - it's a gene thing - but didn't really need to start dying it until around 40 - who knows maybe it'll turn an awesome white instead of grey.

and so if you are sure you are doomed to have another emo day tomorrow, you probably will. Hormones going crazy? or do you just normally dramatize everything.? why do you purposelly make annoying remarks? - obviously what people say does make a difference to you - but putting up a shell doesn't let them know that and they will just keep doing it - and you make annoying remarks back. Doesn't really sound like fun. get out of your head and do something fun - physically fun, or go play a card game with you parents!!!! no arguing allowed by anyone - try to have some fun during this time of your life - it's going to really change in a few years - not even a few years probably - and then you'll have even more responsibilities -it's scarey isn't it? I realize you were just writing - but if you cleaned it up - I think you could be a really good writer. Please be careful what you choose to spice up your life with.