What do you think?

If your brave enough to read this beast, tell me what you think, or read a few lines, just want a little constructive critism on what you think of my writing style

Do you like romance movies with cold endings

holding your breath for the punchline

well that's my life

baby it's your soul

do you think I'm crazy

for thinking you'd save me

that a boy of just seventeen

could take a wilted part of me and make it whole?

could it be so possible

so juvenile

that just once glance and everything would be fine

you said i was to intense

you said i was just misery

making it seem like we had to chance

for a fairytale ending

buts a soul

living in a shelter all alone

you tell me your not like him that you'd never put a fist

but if you had the chance to make it better

you simply just run

run

run

insomnia, insomnia

afraid to dream my nightmares

afraid to go back to my grave

to put on this planet for someone's satisfaction slave

thank god

I'm so brave

for insomnia keeps you all night

for the fear to carry on and make it all right

fear to scream out loud

maybe if i wasn't wearing that dress that night

my hair that way

laughing it off, teasing

i was being what'd they say

my fault I could of, simply just could

run

run

run

insomnia, insomnia

afraid to dream my nightmares

afraid to go back to my grave

insomnia, insomnia

fix me

fix me

kiss me

kiss me

touch me like he did

show me it was love

show me it was a mistake

he had a crush, he had a will and took it the wrong way

pushed me on the ground

it was all of warmth

wrap me up to drown

slay me, save me

I'm secretly calling his name

my words came out no

they sounded yes

he thought I was dieing

He thought I liked pain

he was drunk saw an image of beauty

kissed me thought we we're taking it far

pinned me down because that's what i said

never ran because he didn't know it was wrong

after the realization, you can't handle something of so strong

no hell like a woman fury and no pain like her weep

that's why we never ran

we could of run

run

run

run

insomnia, insomnia

insomnia, insomnia

i can't sleep

my heads all bread

my souls so weak

I'm tired and fixtures

but I can't sleep

he'll come back

same mistake

same silly past

that makes everything going for me

break

all their is, all that's there

one big whole

one big blob

endless days, sleepless nights

staring at the window

looking for the light

light that closed my eyes

why didn't i see your face

my lovers eyes

were they blue just like mine?

do you look like gold?

I couldn't picture more

but that's useless

your gone like the years I've played

your gone like the song that sang

the fear that rang

down to my spinal cord

dirt in my mouth, blood all I taste

the will to survive

your gone

your gone

your smiling

your laughing

you ran

run

run

run

I'm on the ground insomnia

insomnia, insomnia

my fingers are numb

I got the bruise marks all over my chest

my throat still crackles

when I try to scream

when I try to speak

I got stitched from your beer bottle

thrashing over my leg

insomnia, insomnia

that's why I can't run

I haven't slept since this nightmare

it goes on and on in my head

do you know who you raped that night?

do you know her name?

It's hard to renounce

It's hard to say

that's why I got the nickname gray

it's my favorite color

the color of my wedding dress I'd always say

platinum gray

same color of my belt that day

threw it down

whipped it by the outskirt tress

the shimmer in it dazzles

I steared at for 5 hours

until I was cold enough to see my skin changing a color

maybe that's why I never ran

dazzled, mystified by the grayness in the sand

shinny but kind of colorless

meaning nothing more but a color

part of me though

my nickname

gray

it's 3:09 in the morning

By the way, my name was O'Neila

What do you think?

I like it. It is heartfelt. However, there is no poetic ryhme.

I would suggest you write it in a short story form, and make it a little longer. I believe it would catch the attention of many.

The many that could relate to your emotions.

What do you think?

Wow it sounds full of emotion even though its long, I bet it could be a song, but girl i feel your passion